Picture of the month

Picture of the month
Life is circular

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

a long ride home

I talk about many people but recently the person who has shone me the most strength has been my mother.In late June she began experiencing pain by mid July it was so bad she went to the doctors in extreme misery and that's when it happened.She asked me to look into funeral arrangements.I didn't take this lightly from a woman who always covered up her pain so I would not know. So having to consider what funeral
plans I may need to make for my her floored me.
In the past month we have been through every test there is with no relief for her what so ever.Last week she told me she could not take the pain anymore and felt
like giving up but worried about what would happen to me. Isn't that
just like a mother.I do freelance work now and while it pays good she
still worries it's not the 9-5 corporate thing i used to have. So I
told her that's what nearly killed me and one way or another she will
make this journey with me and we both will be alright.
I admit that in the past I was tired of the responsibility of handling
all of this but honestly I hope the end is not near but a sense of calm
has come over me.So this week as I pack her up to go home I know this
might be the last trip we physically take together. Not that I won't
miss her but I can not take the tears and her cries of pain anymore.If
she needs to go I'm letting her,she has suffered enough. Last year I
lost my cousin who is the same age as me and at Christmas a good
friends mother passed.I have prayed and put it on the alter thats all i
can do.
I am a walking miracle myself and having been given the gift of a
little more time on this earth I choose to travel.I have not done it
all but I 'm working on it.So many people have said oh don't tell all
your business, why do you have a travel blog etc.
I would say I spent 30 plus years being introverted and I often found
that I did not need to wait for any friends to take a trip or go across
town.This puzzled many folks and a few could not accept the fact that I
I was even happy discovering the world without someone else going
along.Since I have started traveling though the people I have met from
here and abroad have told me some wonderful stories of which I have
become addicted.That' s why I talk now because somewhere there is
another person who needs to hear they are not in the same place
alone.Finding a connection to human beings is not telling your
business.I'm not giving bank account or social security numbers after
all.I still have a need to hit the road solo but now I write about it.
This week I will be back at the doctors picking up the last round of my
mothers test.I know that whatever these results turn up it won't keep
me from living this sort of gypsy life.My only wish is to be able to
share it with her. I still hold out that i can but it is not up me and
I'm at peace with that.
I made that trip two weeks ago and half way back east she became so sick we stopped
a little after midnight at a gas station outside of Tyler texas to call an ambulance.
We spent the rest of the morning in the ER and she has insurance.Finally learning she was mismanaged by her quack of a doctor.We hit the road and arrive home where we are slowly making head way to find the right doctors.Through it all I have discovered what I always knew.My mother is the stongest woman I know or will ever meet but that strength has it's limits and it up to me to make sure I understand exactly what they are.

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