Picture of the month

Picture of the month
Life is circular

Saturday, June 23, 2007

Alone at this Crossroad

My mom and I are baby boomers,she at the beginning and myself at the tail end.
I now find my life impacted by the older child taking care of parent stage.Actually my mom is still somewhat independent but there are issues and we are going through a few health crisis. Trouble is I have only my faith to fall back on. I can not believe how draining this is,how honestly trapped I feel.
I love this woman unconditionally but there is fear and resentment on my part that as the only child I have had to give up so much in my life recently to make sure she is alright. Deep down she feels guilty over this so I never tell her about the opportunities I turn down. Still we are a team, we help each other and with all the love and strength a mother daughter relationship entails we also have our moments.Honestly I wouldn't change a thing but I do wish that for just a day I didn't have to worry about her well being.
Thankfully she did give up driving (don't get me starting on those tales),although she still has her license! She told me as she has gotten older seeing at night is more difficult and her arthritis gives her fits so it makes driving a bother most days.So I am the chauffeur now and trust me there is no worst copilot than your mother as a side seat driver.
Thus today I deviate a bit from telling the story of others through my eyes and release a bit of me. I know I am not alone but I very much feel so and worst what does one do knowing without a second thought I would do anything for my mom even if it means I hurt myself. I have no regrets other than not being able to afford to do more for her, perhaps that's where my main guilty and anguish come from. Everyday I stay in prayer it is my only comfort. so I do know I'm not really alone but it is still a challenge.

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